Recently, several peeps close to me have gone through some wicked hard times. Relationships breakdowns, unexpected career shifts, and health issues seem to be an overwhelming theme for many. Add to this the endless TV news of huge disasters impacting millions of people we don’t know personally.

Dare to tell anyone of these peeps to ‘count your blessing’, and the evil eye may target you! So often ‘count your blessings’ can be easily, off-handedly, and even flippantly said that it lacks the sincere message of support and concern you may deeply share. Sometimes it obvious when we’re stuck in a tough situation, and other times we silently keep our hard place to ourselves. We may stand stoically or melt with a whisper. At all times, we are doing the best we can with where we are and what we know. But can we always be grateful?

One of the greatest tools at our disposal when we find ourselves in hard times – expectedly or unexpectedly – is gratitude. Only where do you find blessings under a hay stack from hell? Sure, for some it may be easy to ‘see the bright side of life’…humming a tune of gratitude no matter the situation. Maybe you’ve grown your gratitude muscle from a regular gratitude practice. For others, gratitude may be visited rarely, if ever. Wherever you’re at, you’ll respond as you choose to in the midst of a tough situation.

Only the coach in me hopes to inspire some Boy Scout preparedness!

Here’s my tip: Make your list a head of time. In fact, the next time you find yourself humming along in life, take a few minutes to write down what you are grateful for. Don’t just think the grateful thoughts…write them: use a journal, type up a document, creatively design a beautiful note, or add an affirmation to your smartphone.

Because here’s the catch: It can be super overwhelming as you’re drowning in a blinding flow of dread to try to find that needle of sunlight in your life. Opening a journal, clicking on a computer file, scanning your bulletin board, or surfing your smartphone for a list of things you were once grateful for may be the nudge you need to count your blessings once again. Do the work ahead of time, so that when the heaviness hits you have your gratitude ready to respond. All it takes is a few key messages of gratitude to kick start you to count your blessings, even when you’re still living under the hay stack from hell.

Smile with joy when the blessings you pre-prepared shift, lift, or lighten your dark hours. Welcome gratitude for your preparedness – it’s a blessing itself!

Time to get your gratitude on – Count your blessings!

I am grateful for…

My life is blessed by…

Light shines on me because…

At the recent Hay House I Can Do It conference I attended, Robert Holden rocked my world. It wasn’t only what he said but how he presented it. His authentic passion for the subject paired with his sense of humour struck a chord for me – a message I really needed in the moment with the delivery I welcomed. And one I pass along to you as a seed…just in case you welcome it into your world. As Robert shared: ‘When the receiver is ready, the gift arrives.’

Covering several different ‘principles,’ Robert connected two in particular to a similar message, merging healing and growing. He inspired self-evaluation of where we are each at in life, where we have been, and where we want to go. Ready to take the ride?

I loved his point: The past is finished, IF you are finished with it. As long as you remain attached to it, it remains attached to you. If you are feeling overwhelmed by something from the past, you keep it alive by breathing time, energy, and focus into it. It stays with you until you forgive it, and in doing so, release it.

Once we outgrow the past, we can live in the present moment, because we changed the meaning of the past. We take responsibility for this moment onwards ONLY, resulting in a new beginning. From here, we stop ‘being’ and start ‘becoming’ – we blossom!

So, are you still growing? As growing is a life-long journey, not only of our bodies, but our minds, hearts, and souls, I truly hope you answered ‘Hell, yes!’ If not, if something stalled you celebrating a giant ‘yes,’ it may not be an outright ‘no’ either. If something is missing in your life, it is probably YOU! Something about your past may have you stuck, so you aren’t able to show up in your life as fully as a ‘Hell, yes’…at least not yet.

Robert shared that ‘the ego is waiting to be ready, while the soul (your essence) is ready already.’ Often we get lost in the ego-driven aspects of life, resulting in us feeling unready to heal and grow. We hand our power over to our ego monkey mind to direct our journey, leaving our soul on hold in a waiting room.

Please know it is never too late… to be alive, to be young, to heal, to take risks, to live from your heart, to step up, and to be present in your own life. The answers to the key questions rest with you: Are you waiting or willing? Are you being or becoming?

To inspire you to consider joining us in the inner growth fest next year (or at other venues internationally), I thought I’d share some of the key moments that shifted my ‘stuff,’ sparked my heart, and opened me up to meeting new aspects of myself. While I am not comfortable sharing other people’s insights, please know there were many within my social circle…too many to count!

Where to start? How about the opening words…

‘Don’t fence me in…’ were the lyrics hummed by Wayne Dyer, as he introduced the idea of ‘can’t’ and ‘shouldn’t’ – two of the most harmful words in the world, in my opinion. Taking it to another level, Wayne (as I call him ‘cause we’re best buds!) shifted us into considering the labels that fence each of us in. He asked: ‘What labels do you live?’ This sparked a landslide of queries for me: Which labels are given to me by others? Which are self-selected? Which ones do I want to release? Which ones do I happily embrace? How do I ‘let’ labels define me? Meaning: How do I choose to be defined?

Greg Braden, the Indian Jones of Self-Growth (as Robert Holden joked), caught my heart when he talked about THE longest journey. It’s not to a place…it’s within. It’s the 10 inch route from your head to your heart. How often do you take that journey to connect your thoughts and emotions? How often to do you witness that route blocked by fears, anger, guilt, etc.? How do you clear the path again and again and again?

Marianne Williamson is one of my all-time faves. Highlights that took my breath away as she appeared to channel her talk began with: ‘Your happiest days have sad moments.’ So true. Then when she got on a roll about feeling defensive, she simply took a step back and to the side, creating a vision of allowing the ‘attack to flow past.’ To not engage and to not defend came to these words: ‘In my defencelessness my safety lays.’ Pure beauty! Where in your life can you step to the side, letting your guard relax?

In the evening, Doreen Virtue shared a loving audience. In speaking about lifestyle and quality of life, she asked us: ‘How much do you live in your head? How much do you live in your heart?’ If you were to guess-timate a percentage, where do you live most often? How’s that working for you? What percentage would you like to shift it to ideally?

The chit chat between Louise Hay and Cheryl Richardson was a great launch for Day 2. A key image I’m now utilizing is to dissolve a habit, rather than break it. To dissolve feels so much more ease-filled to me than to crack and tear to break free. In sharing tips for self-care, I loved their connection between your quality of life and your quality of thinking. To take it further, I upped it to the quality of your self-care reflects your quality of self-love. Where is your deserve-ability of self-loving-care today?

Bruce Lipton, the Master of Biology Thinking, presented the best biology class of my life! Science does not need to be intimidating or out-dated. But be warned: Buckle your seat-belt for a blitz rocket-ride of insightful info. My hand cramped with note taking, until I relaxed into receiving Bruce’s wisdom, releasing my brain and listening with my heart.

Truth be told, I missed Caroline Myss’ presentation, as I ‘peopled’ the Heal Your Life information booth. However, if it’s anything like the many other times I’ve seen Caroline talk, it was likely filled with sage wisdom and some sharp barbs of well-delivered honesty.

Last, but possibly my fave, the conference wrapped up with Robert Holden holding space for tears of laughter. His six principles of Shift Happens were marked with a key aspect many of us often overlook: Your daily practice is the opportunity to ‘meet yourself.’ Love the reminder to make this re-introduction with the new me each day with gratitude and a hearty smile. So what can a daily practice include? I loved his description of a God meditation, probing: How much does God love me? And how much do I let God love me? If God is love, God’s love is 100%. How much I let God love me is the difference between where I jump ship. What’s the percentage difference for you? And if that’s a biggie, consider Robert’s affirmation suggestion: ‘Dear God, show me the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.’ Tears of laughter turned to tears of self-love.

May my favourite nuggets of I Can Do It wisdom and love inspire you to take the next step in your self-discovery journey. Be the inspiration in your own life…and you will inspire others!

That’s right, we are now ankle deep into 2012. Where does the time go!?!? Seems like the perfect time to reflect on where you are at for 2012 so far. While the beginning of the year always feels so exciting and full of possibilities, after a few weeks (or months), the energy of possibilities often begins to fade. Interestingly, some studies show that almost 50% of people keep up their resolution for 3 months – perfect timing for a March check-in! But by the end of the year, just in time for your next New Year’s resolution, it’s down to about 10%.

Thinking back to the end of 2011 or early 2012, did you create a resolution for yourself? Maybe even by another title: an intention, an affirmation, or a Word-of-the-Year? What was it? Or is this a true test – do you even remember what it was?

Hoping that you wrote down your resolution (as an inclusive title for all types of New Year’s declarations), take a few minutes to find it. Review what you wrote and the feelings you desired to experience with this resolution. What did you focus on? What words did you use? What did you hope for? What did your heart yearn for? What actions did you participate in towards your resolution? Where are you at with all of these today?

Please consider this as a reflection and reset opportunity. I am not prodding you to inspire guilt or regret. Everyone drops their practice – whether physical, mental, emotional and/or spiritual – from time to time. You are human! Look at it as a dance – its okay to move by taking two steps forward and one step back. It’s not the pain of starting over – it’s the buzz of refreshing your vision!

Here are 3 tips for re-igniting your resolution to create a wonderful 2012:

• Resolve to love and appreciate yourself. Loving and approving of yourself is vital for bringing ease and flow into your resolutions and your whole life. How do you actually do that? A first step is to stop criticizing yourself. Check-in with the language you’re using when you think about your resolution: What words do you use? How do they make you feel about yourself? How could they be more compassionate?  Shift your words to enhance your feelings to manifest your desires.
• Connect with your body. As the grounding for your thoughts, feelings, and in this case resolutions, it’s important to stay in touch with your body. Tune into your body, noticing where you feel any tension. As you do, take some deep breaths.  Breathe in positive thoughts of your resolution, and with each out breath, let go of tension, releasing negative thoughts. Allow your breath to flow.
• Create Affirmations to support your resolution. Focusing on the life you want, write or say positive statements that inspire you to stay with your resolution. These may involve words that visually represent your success with reaching your resolution: What does it look like? What does it feel like? Once you have some affirmations, write them and/or say them every day. ‘Stick-to-it-ness’ is important with resolutions and affirmations!

Ready to re-acquaint yourself with your resolution? Now is the perfect timing to pick-up where you left off with a strong step forward and the ease of music to your ears. Engage these tools to allow your resolution dance to flow from March onwards!

Please do not translate that to imply a wonderfully romantic message, rather the moment was far more shocking. While trying very hard NOT to eavesdrop on one couple’s chat, it was impossible NOT to listen – they made it that way for all of us around them.

Sure, I could give the benefit of the doubt: they were an older couple and maybe had some hearing challenges; they appeared to know each other VERY well and maybe had stopped listening to each other SO well; and/or they wanted to have others witness their victories over each other.

Whatever the case, within only a few words it was fairly easy to tell they were a long-time ‘tied’ couple. Whether married or not, they were anchored to each other. They seemed to know exactly what words to use, what tone to imply, and what body lingo to dance…all just perfect for what buttons to push. It was easy to jump to a stereotypical ‘old married couple’ and to even wonder, as I did: would my hubby and I be like that in 20 or 30 more years?

Listening in the background their voices grew louder, not because they got closer, but because they became more animated. Turning to watch their conversation was like sitting in the theatre – part acting, part dancing, all performing. But for whom?

After participating as their audience (voluntarily or not!) for several minutes, the secret became clearer, their love was perfectly evident. Their relationship appeared built on a friendship far deeper than even romance. They happily played a game of wooing and cooing the passion they felt for each other…only in untraditional ways that would make many cringe. With a twinkle in his eye and smirk on her mouth, they happily enjoyed a certain joking banter that others would find harsh. It was THEIR way. And how many couples who have been together a long time aren’t set a bit in THEIR ways!?

To live and love with another person for years, leaves no one else to judge. We had no glimpse into the grief they suffered, the milestones they celebrated, the losses they shared, the dances they swung to, the horrors they witnesses, the distances they travelled, the babies they carried, the fears they held, the nights they cuddled, or the loneliness they will one day live apart. They loved each other no doubt…in whatever form it took, it was cooing for them.

Having finally departed the ‘show,’ they stayed in my mind. I thought of all the wise guidance that counsellors and coaches (including me) suggest to clients about communicating in relationships. This couple busted them all!

So I challenge you to consider in your romantic relationships, which of these may be your cooing banter button:

Sarcasm – The Beware of Me tone that may be humour-laced venim. Words like: ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ ‘Haven’t we already had this conversation?’ ‘Yeah, yeah, right!’ A tell tail sign is key word emphasis and punctuation invisibly dotting the endings. Or is it the sound of your smirk?

‘Always’ and ‘Never’ – The Bookends of Time together ‘forever.’ It may sound like: ‘You always say that.’ ‘You never do that.’ As if only extremes exist, the accusation is you are ‘set-in-your-ways.’ Or is it the comfort of knowing and trusting the other person’s predictability?

‘You’ – The Pronoun of Blame jabbing like no other. Yours could appear like: ‘You couldn’t understand.’ ‘You don’t….’ Using ‘I’ language to speak one’s own truth and to share one’s own feelings may seem secondary to getting your point across. Or is it a call to be heard yourself?

‘Enough’ – The Draw-the-Line Plea to stop. Favs may be: ‘Enough already.’ ‘For once, could you…?’ ‘Don’t start….’ It’s used when it’s ALL been heard before, yet the ‘nagging’ dance stays the same. Or is it your white flag of surrender to change your cooing pattern?

When you give your heart away, you offer it as your pledge. Over the years, you’ll find a way of communicating as your foundation of love. What others witness does not matter, as long as you clearly and respectfully share your love in YOUR way. Building your romance by communicating your love, results in cooing beyond any words on Valentine’s Day.

To all Love Birds of all ages everyday of the year…XO

(C) 2012 Whitney McMillan

Want to use this article (in whole or part) in your ezine, website or blog? Please do! Here’s what to include:
Whitney McMillan is a best-selling author, life & business coach, workshop facilitator, & motivational speaker who supports people weighed down by overwhelm to reach Overwhelm Freedom! Check out her book ‘Rock Your Overwhelm: Live in Clarity, Balance and Freedom’ and receive her FREE eWorkbook and eZine tips: www.whitneymcmillan.com

Returning from my techi-free vacation, I figured I’d bounce back into my joy-filled end of year biz rituals, and of course the holiday season. Only upon returning home physically, I discovered I’d left by biz brain back in the tropics – it apparently wanted (or needed?) a longer shift of gears. In hind-sight, the rest of me did too!

The actual moment that I realized my haze was in reaction (yes, reaction, not response) to a comment from my loving aunt. In her usual enthusiastically supportive style, she commented in an email about what an amazing year it had been for me: ‘You wrote and published a book! How are you ever going to top that?’ Ouch! She inadvertent poked the trigger to my haze.

Indeed, how on earth am I EVER going to have such a stunningly magical year again? The pressure turned up 10 notches with one question. So much for my 2012 affirmation list, my updated Bliss List, my Word-of-the-Year, my Vision Map, etc. I went straight to my default overwhelm belief by the time the ‘?’ ended the sentence: I don’t deserve.

My dance for the past 10 days took me through a flogging of negative self-talk…all while sipping egg nog, laughing with loved ones, and attending festive events. I cloaked myself in denial – procrastination, justification, and excuses – as I pretended to actually be ‘working.’ Sure I got my calendar planned, my email inbox cleaned up, met with biz friends, and tied up some loose ends. But what would usually take me a day to do was drawn out over 4 days.

I was so overwhelmed with the thought of what a mountain any similar accomplishment would require that I sent an avalanche of dread on myself. So much so that I got stuck in my overwhelm…yet again! I invited Holiday Haze it in, sat it at my holiday dinner table, and fed it.

Until a crack of light shone through – it only took a possibility. If I could manifest the awesome events of this past year with little to no effort in welcoming the opportunities, what else could I attract? If all it took was opening to possibilities – even the smallest most dreamy item on your Vision Board – then what next? Yes, what NEXT? WHAT EVER! Whatever I dream of…each and every day with each and every thought.

Of course, if I can manifest beauty, you can too.  What is your heart’s desire for this coming New Year? Let’s pool our dreams to support each other’s manifesting – team manifesting, anyone??

Today, just in time for the last sunset of 2011, my Holiday Haze of overwhelm is lifting. Tomorrow a new year starts and I’m ready to get ‘buzzy’ for 2012 biz!

(C) 2012 Whitney McMillan

Want to use this article (in whole or part) in your ezine, website or blog? Please do! Here’s what to include:
Whitney McMillan is a best-selling author, life & business coach, workshop facilitator, & motivational speaker who supports people weighed down by overwhelm to reach Overwhelm Freedom! Check out her book ‘Rock Your Overwhelm: Live in Clarity, Balance and Freedom’ and receive her FREE eWorkbook and eZine tips: www.whitneymcmillan.com

Only…it sounds so easy and smooth, doesn’t it? When for so many people the holiday season – whenever and whatever it is for you – brings some big challenges. The biggest one for many is the ‘family dance.’ While the holiday season may inspire commercials of happy holiday family dinners, movies with comical family escapades, and greeting cards filled with gleeful wishes of family joy, in all honesty, it’s not the lived reality for so many families…maybe even yours.

I know this family dance so well. Living the stressed-out, expectation-filled family dynamics with one branch of my peeps, we’ve found it better to share our family holiday wishes by greeting card…rather than in-person. This may sound cold, but it’s as if we are better able to express our love and appreciation for each other more authentically at a distance – out of dinner roll tossing range! Please know I love my family dearly – they are truly treasures in my life. However, when the pressures of holiday family meal-time arises the sh!t-hits-the-mistletoe.

Chatting with one friend who has travelled 1000s of miles away from her family for the holidays, some times we go to great lengths to avoid what may have become its own holiday ritual – the family fight.

An interesting thought: why do we feel we NEED to come together for the holidays? What drives us to go through the family dance, year after year? Social pressure, family ‘shoulds,’ a personal desire to be/do better’…?

Family-by-blood are the people we were joined together with as part of a life-long family dance. It’s not always easy…and maybe that’s where the greatest learning and growth come from! But is it worth the connection? Only we each individually know.

Family-by-love are the people we join together by choice and based on…you guessed it – love! Family-by-love may include friends, neighbours, colleagues, strangers, ‘holiday orphans’, etc. They are whoever you bless with your love, trust and time. They may even be your actual family members! For many during the holidays, it’s our family-by-love who we choose to spend our time with. We opt out of the ‘family fight’ to share ‘family laughter’…we choose which family we wish to celebrate our beloved holidays with.

Family-by-love is choice…family-by-blood is inheritance. One you embrace with the joy of your heart, the other you tolerate with their existence. One is a present – a true gift of love…the other is simply present in your life.

While they are all part of your life, which relationships do you give life to? Who excites you to see this holiday season? Who do you hope to steer clear of? Who can you value for simply being present? Which family-by-blood intrigues you to consider loving a little more this holiday season? They are in your life for a reason, allow the holiday season to soften the chat…go find out: why? Let me know what you discover.

I have been processing this for a few weeks, ever since my annual physical, when the lovely Linda, my doctor’s assistant extraordinaire, measured my weight and height. I realize now that usually my doctor does this task, and he simply takes the numbers, writes them down, and we are done. Linda, on the other hand, announced the numbers to me…as if to confirm them.

Now, I know that many people may be interested more in their weight measurement, however, it was my height that caught me off guard. So much so that my response was an eloquent: “Huh???” To which Linda, looked more puzzled than me! She repeated: “Five feet and four and a half inches.” I repeated: “Five feet and four and a half inches??” She repeated: “Yes, five feet and ….” You get the idea! Only I did not. I had her measure me again…of course! This time I made sure I could feel the metal bar at the top of my head, and I gingerly stepped from the under the bar and off the scale. Oh my…oh my…oh my! It was true…I grew!

Truth be told, I know logically that somehow in my forties I did not actually, literally, physically grow since last year. But it got me thinking…for the past month!

Where on earth did I get my earlier belief that I was five feet and three and a half inches? I have spent years attached to this number. Where did I pick that up from?? Who told me that? Me??? Did I dream it up somehow?

What truly rocked my world was realizing that for years (and by that I mean YEARS!), any time someone asked for or I shared my height, I would make life easier by rounding up. I would say, “Five four.” Sometimes I may have even sounded clearly assertive about this. But much of the time, I felt like a fraud rounding up. I even reverted to rounding down, so I would not feel like I was guilty of fibbing! Turns out I was fibbing…in the wrong direction!

So, what does this actually mean to me? It feels like a coming home of my sense of self. After years of shrinking to my ‘believed’ height, I am standing tall with a new image of myself. My identity is now an inch taller than I thought it was! The kicker: it was all in my beliefs. I gave away an inch of myself. I reverted to fibbing. I shrank my physical being, and in doing so, shrank my sense of self…literally! Amazing. It may only be an inch, but it has renewed a sense of my identity and my belief system in the most unexpected ways. I have a refreshed lens!

Granted, I realize that gravity is working in opposition, along with the aging process. One day, I may revisit five feet and three and a half inches. For now, I claim my full five feet and four and a half inches!

What belief can you change today?

“We don’t see things as they are. We see things as we are.” – Anais Nin

Here are ten empowering steps from her philosophy for YOUR life:

1. Be willing to love and accept yourself – no matter what! You don’t need to lose the weight, have the relationship, or anything else first. Start NOW.

2. Pay attention to your thoughts. If your thoughts create your future (and I believe they do!), are your “typical” thoughts during the day the ones you REALLY want to be thinking? You have the power to change them in each moment.

3. Learn to create and use powerful affirmations to focus on what you DO want in your life.

4. Nurture your Inner Self (Child). Talk to him/her with encouraging words and positive messages.

5. Be willing to change. Your ego tends to hang on to “the way things are.” Trust yourself and Spirit as you change.

6. Meditate on a regular basis. This will help you listen to your inner guidance.

7. Listen to your body’s messages. They will give you vital clues about the emotions affecting you.

8. Honour your emotions, but don’t get stuck in them. Release anger, resentment and guilt.

9. Forgive the past and free yourself from regret.

10. Stop criticising and judging yourself. You are doing the best you can!

The key: Love yourself for the unique and magnificent being you are.

(Adapted from: Patricia Crane & Rick Nicols of HeartInspired.com  Hugs to you both!)