Instead what comes to mind is the image of the bond between Fathers and Daughters. Like super glue holding parts of a child’s toy in one functioning, running, operating piece, intersected to share one purpose: To please.

For most Fathers – and I know I’m generalizing hugely – the bond is one of sacrificing. Even if it’s at all stakes, a Father places his precious Daughter on a pedestal with the sole goal of protecting her, often at all costs to the last breath. No matter what a Daughter may do – and sometimes we do crazy things! – the one thing she can most likely rely on is the unending unconditional devotion of her Father.

For most Daughters – and my leap into assumptions is just as enormous here – the bond is one of fulfilling dreams. Sure, the dreams are of her own, but often they reflect an undercurrent of the desires a Father has for his Daughter. Subtly or overtly. Maybe it’s for a ‘good match’ in a partner, maybe joy as a parent herself, maybe a prominent career, maybe solid financial stability, or maybe all this and then some. So often, Fathers plant the mere possibility to dream in the hearts of a Daughter, nurturing her until the moment she takes flight…and onwards. And for that mentoring, Fathers earn their own pedestals, ones of admiration…and if one’s fortunate, of heart-felt respect.

And the odd thing: despite giving birth to Daughters, Mothers don’t trespass on this bond. They can’t. They hold their own treasured bond to Daughters, but it is distinctly not this bond. So differently, Mothers and Daughters hold onto judgments toward each other, and while unconditional in their own ways, pedestals hang lower and tend to sag to one side waiting for a slip, a fall. Maybe that’s where Mothers and Sons fill a void – but that’s for another article.

So what happens when a Father’s pedestal is empty?

Twenty years ago today my Father’s pedestal was vacated. His body left this earth, but he left a haunting space in his wake. In his Daughter’s heart. For that’s where his pedestal always was…and remains.

My Father lives on in me: as the anchor of my beliefs, as the filter of my values, in the turning of my phrases, in the sound of my laugh, and with each time I talk with my hands – and WOW, do I talk with my hands A LOT! Maybe that’s where the bond really lives: in what lives on from Father to Daughter…to a legacy preserved with continuing the living.

What keeps prodding me is that while I’ve missed my Father for all that time – and what I wouldn’t give for one last bear-hug and a word of goodbye – I think of my Father now, all these years later, more than I ever did when he was alive. MORE THAN. Oh yah, the deep regret of that inner thought! Totally true and filled with guilt. When my Father was alive, he was here, and as a Daughter who blindly assumed her pedestal-dancing Father was immortal, I must have thought he always would be – I must have?? Because I let time pass by…until time was gone for being with him. In a moment it unexpectedly vanished.

I didn’t recognise the prize before my eyes. I took his devotion for granted and let a ticking clock run out on it. Somehow I disappointed myself…and him. To think of my Father ‘more often’ now saddens me. Backwards maybe, but true.

‘Being with’ my Father was replaced by ‘thinking about’ him. And now, since all I have is thinking about him, that’s what fills his pedestal: memories. Far more than when he was living, my Father fills my thoughts. I hold him captive in my missing.

The last time I heard my Father’s words was twenty years ago, but every one of them echoes through me like he’s still uttering whispers cheering me on to my dreams. I’m haunted by his cheerleading from the beyond…from a not-so empty pedestal.

To my Father…from this Daughter, thank you for making dreaming possible and for continuing to be my biggest cheerleader. XO

I’m not meaning the kind of organizational, task-oriented Mission that many businesses follow, but rather one based on your deep personal values and principles: your own constitution, manifesto, commandment, or motto. Applying your Mission like a filter, you can then pass all major ideas, decisions, planning, etc. through a lens of your highest serving values, supporting you to focus on what is most important and reducing sparkly distractions.

If you are like many people I chat with, clarity and balance often get lost when you’re overwhelmed with so much information, heavy decisions, diverse agendas, inter-personal politics, urgent timelines, multiple demands, and the like. Empowering a Mission Statement can serve as your guiding compass, and in turn assist you to honour yourself when overwhelm lands with a thud.

The super bonus to a personal Mission Statement is its help in moments when you feel you’re drowning in heavy emotions. As a wave of emotions rises, a Mission can diminish the push and pull action that can fill your heart and overflow into consuming your life. Your Mission can ease the flow and weight of challenging emotions, and more so the potential negative affects they take in your life. A Mission can be a ‘pause button,’ creating breathing space for heart-felt, conscious decisions.

What would your personal Mission be? As you consider possibilities, here are a few tips:

• Identify Overarching Principles: What values do you want to guide your activities of the coming year?
• Pay Attention to Words: What words make your heart sing? What inspirational quotes have special meaning to you? What words repeat in your ear?
• KISS (Keep It Simple, Star!): Which principles are most vital to you? Which ones do you prioritize? Which ones are in your Top 5 or 10? To help review your Mission Statements easily daily, keep your list short and snappy – let them roll of your tongue!
• Personalize Them Without Judgment: What are you about – your strengths, your interests, your goals, your joys…? Be true to you, free of comparisons to others and self-judgment.
• Vision Broadly: What do you value as your focus in your ‘daily living of life?’ What bigger dreams expand you? Balance both small and big opportunities for your growth.

As you venture into creating your own personal Mission, please play until the ideal wording hums off your lips – do not compromise: your Mission is your heart’s guide.

If you wish some ideas as a foundation to hone your own magical Mission: There is only love. Embrace process. Let ‘it’ go. Do ‘it’ now. Be authentic. Follow my heart. Trust my intuition. Live in the moment. Forgive. Be grateful….

KISS!

I’d love to hear your Mission insights. Please email or Facebook your wordsmithing brilliance and/or your sticking points. Share your mission wisdom!

How come? I believe it’s because of the giant ‘should’ attached to most resolutions. Often we select a resolution based on what we think we ‘need to’ do, or what we’ve been told will be good for us. We pick resolutions with our heads, more than our hearts. Where’s the passion in that? No wonder we drop them!

Add to this…very often resolutions focus on bringing greater happiness into our world – it’s what we each ‘want’ above all else: Happiness. Whether we think it’ll come with better diet, more exercise, closer friendships, new hobbies or the like, we somehow lack contentment, so we seek a bigger sense of joy. Only what we’re aiming for is a magic potion to unlock our inner joy overnight. When we realize it takes consistent dedication, we slowly (or haltingly) resolve ourselves to our current level of (un)happiness. We turtle!

Stuck with neither ‘need’ nor ‘want’ sparking fabulous results, let’s reframe resolutions with a fresh hook of inspiration: the Word-of-the-Year…or more appropriately YOUR Word-of-the-Year. Yup, with a single word, you can shift your life!

Why a single word? By having a single concise word at the ready, you can easily and effortlessly remind yourself of your intention in any given moment. The theme becomes so top-of-mind that it lives on the tip-of-your-tongue. With a single thought or utterance, you re-align with the intention the word holds for you: it re-ignites you.

Plus, you can let go of a long list of resolutions – a.k.a. nagging ‘shoulds’ – which could be the biggest blessing of all! With resolutions its about you coming up with what you ‘think’ you need to do. But with your Word-of-the-Year, you simply invite a theme into your life generally. You aren’t in charge of the ‘how’!

Can it be that easy? Well, your intentional word expresses a heart-based sense of your big ‘why’ of life. It challenges you to dig deep and discern your heart’s desire. It calls on you to check-in with your alignment and observe the blocks to your life lessons. It provides amazing clarity to your best version of yourself. It reminds you that greater happiness is closer than a dream.

But what word?? Well, my examples may help inspire you.

In 2010, my word-of-the-year was ‘Blossoming’: I expanded my practice with several key new tools/techniques, reframed my business, travelled tons for courses and for pleasure, began writing articles, refocused my biz networking, facilitated more workshops at diverse locations, uttered the words: “One day I’ll write a book,” etc.

In 2011, my word was ‘Connection’: I ventured forward into the techi-age with a new website and blog, started my social media adventure, met amazing fellow biz gals, started teaching and focused on biz coaching, wrote and published a book, etc.

In 2012, my word was ‘Focus’: After years of expanding forward, I found my current calling – the voice of overwhelm freedom! My aim was to regroup and stay balanced, free of distractions and diversions. My awareness filtered and zeroed in on serving my vision, my clients, and my community. My attention was dedicated to freeing YOUR overwhelm!

In 2013, my word was ‘Healing’: Interestingly, I didn’t start with that theme, but early in the year I was in a car accident, which quickly had me on my knees – well, my back actually! – and switching my focus. Launching into a big growth time, instead I stumbled. Yet, it was just what I needed (without knowing it): the opportunity to heal, on many levels.

In 2014, my word is ‘Compassion’: With many years of dedicated growth and service, I welcome some softening. Now’s time to walk my talk of self-care more fully! Mind you, not at anyone else’s expense, so it’ll require a delicate balance of decision-making that supports me and those I love…including you!

Just like for me, your word will manifest amazing opportunities in your life. May I suggest using your journal to help you get clear and to narrow your words to the prize winner:

• What are you dedicated to this year?
• What do you want to move toward?
• What can you let go of in order to make your word your priority?
• How will you serve the world in 2014?
• How will your word serve you?
• What one word inspires you for 2014?

Need some support in visioning your Word-of-the-Year and your best 2014? Feel free to get in touch. I’d be honoured to support you in magically manifesting your rockin’ theme!

And please share your Word-of-the-Year with others in our community. Inspire us!

Some days it can feel like Social Media is running you, not the other way around. Juggling techi devices by jumping from Smart Phone to tablet to laptop and back again in an endless cycle to stay connected can run you ragged. When you feel more like a computer pro or a Social Media analyst (unless that is your biz!), it takes time away from what you really love to do – what your business is actually about. Sure, Social Media is a valuable business tool, but ask yourself….

How is Social Media serving you? Not only in your business but in your personal life? Consider: If social media is a vice, does it serve you…or do you serve it?

…Read More…

[The full post at Entrepreneur Mom Now on February 7, 2013]

Recently, several peeps close to me have gone through some wicked hard times. Relationships breakdowns, unexpected career shifts, and health issues seem to be an overwhelming theme for many. Add to this the endless TV news of huge disasters impacting millions of people we don’t know personally.

Dare to tell anyone of these peeps to ‘count your blessing’, and the evil eye may target you! So often ‘count your blessings’ can be easily, off-handedly, and even flippantly said that it lacks the sincere message of support and concern you may deeply share. Sometimes it obvious when we’re stuck in a tough situation, and other times we silently keep our hard place to ourselves. We may stand stoically or melt with a whisper. At all times, we are doing the best we can with where we are and what we know. But can we always be grateful?

One of the greatest tools at our disposal when we find ourselves in hard times – expectedly or unexpectedly – is gratitude. Only where do you find blessings under a hay stack from hell? Sure, for some it may be easy to ‘see the bright side of life’…humming a tune of gratitude no matter the situation. Maybe you’ve grown your gratitude muscle from a regular gratitude practice. For others, gratitude may be visited rarely, if ever. Wherever you’re at, you’ll respond as you choose to in the midst of a tough situation.

Only the coach in me hopes to inspire some Boy Scout preparedness!

Here’s my tip: Make your list a head of time. In fact, the next time you find yourself humming along in life, take a few minutes to write down what you are grateful for. Don’t just think the grateful thoughts…write them: use a journal, type up a document, creatively design a beautiful note, or add an affirmation to your smartphone.

Because here’s the catch: It can be super overwhelming as you’re drowning in a blinding flow of dread to try to find that needle of sunlight in your life. Opening a journal, clicking on a computer file, scanning your bulletin board, or surfing your smartphone for a list of things you were once grateful for may be the nudge you need to count your blessings once again. Do the work ahead of time, so that when the heaviness hits you have your gratitude ready to respond. All it takes is a few key messages of gratitude to kick start you to count your blessings, even when you’re still living under the hay stack from hell.

Smile with joy when the blessings you pre-prepared shift, lift, or lighten your dark hours. Welcome gratitude for your preparedness – it’s a blessing itself!

Time to get your gratitude on – Count your blessings!

I am grateful for…

My life is blessed by…

Light shines on me because…

In our hectic full-on overwhelmed lives, taking care of ourselves is more important than ever — yet it’s often the last thing on our minds…and it may even slip off our To Do lists regularly. Instead, we are consumed with meeting deadlines, attending unproductive meetings, using lunch time to run errands, cleaning the house during kids’ naptime, and so on. Only, what is more important than you?

Living the heavy feeling of overwhelm can only go on for so long before you break. And there is no warranty on YOU! The negative impact is not worth challenging relationships, financial concerns, and/or ill health. It’s time for you to live with clarity, balance, and along with them, freedom!

Curious about how you’re doing? Take this self-quiz to see how well you’re taking care of yourself. Answer True or False to the following statements:

1. When I’m upset and/or feeling sad, I talk about the situation with someone (i.e. a friend, family member or therapist). And if I need help, I ask for it.
2. I let go of the way things used to be. I release worry about the future. I accept the way things are today.
3. Every day I do something physically active (even if it’s just a walk around the block or a 15-minute workout).
4. I consume healthy food and beverages. I take the time to enjoy my meals. I set aside other activities while I eat (i.e. work, driving, watching TV, reading).
5. I think positively. I view problems as opportunities to learn and grow.
6. I can say ‘no’ when I need or want to.
7. I remember to breathe.
8. If I’m experiencing physical symptoms, I go to the appropriate health care professional. I don’t panic about the symptoms, nor do I deny them either.
9. I am comfortable with “good enough.” I don’t require perfection in everything that I do. I don’t expect others to be perfect either.
10. I recognize that tasks require different levels of focus and effort. Those that take less effort save energy for those that push me to work harder.
11. I get enough sound sleep most nights.
12. I value my personal relationships and give them the time and energy they deserve.
13. I enjoy recreational activities and social time. My hobbies make me happy.
14. I choose healthy ways to relieve stress. I don’t rely on potentially harmful activities (i.e. smoking, drinking, gambling, overeating).
15. I recognize the importance of breaks during the day, as well as vacations. I regularly take time for myself to rest and refresh.
16. I listen to and respect my feelings.

If you answered ‘false’ to several of these points, it may be the sign you need to jump into self-care action. Please consider honestly evaluating what is important in your life and valuing the choices you can make from here on. It’s not about regretting the past – it’s about moving forward into the future you desire for your self-care.

Rock Your Self-Loving Care!

At the recent Hay House I Can Do It conference I attended, Robert Holden rocked my world. It wasn’t only what he said but how he presented it. His authentic passion for the subject paired with his sense of humour struck a chord for me – a message I really needed in the moment with the delivery I welcomed. And one I pass along to you as a seed…just in case you welcome it into your world. As Robert shared: ‘When the receiver is ready, the gift arrives.’

Covering several different ‘principles,’ Robert connected two in particular to a similar message, merging healing and growing. He inspired self-evaluation of where we are each at in life, where we have been, and where we want to go. Ready to take the ride?

I loved his point: The past is finished, IF you are finished with it. As long as you remain attached to it, it remains attached to you. If you are feeling overwhelmed by something from the past, you keep it alive by breathing time, energy, and focus into it. It stays with you until you forgive it, and in doing so, release it.

Once we outgrow the past, we can live in the present moment, because we changed the meaning of the past. We take responsibility for this moment onwards ONLY, resulting in a new beginning. From here, we stop ‘being’ and start ‘becoming’ – we blossom!

So, are you still growing? As growing is a life-long journey, not only of our bodies, but our minds, hearts, and souls, I truly hope you answered ‘Hell, yes!’ If not, if something stalled you celebrating a giant ‘yes,’ it may not be an outright ‘no’ either. If something is missing in your life, it is probably YOU! Something about your past may have you stuck, so you aren’t able to show up in your life as fully as a ‘Hell, yes’…at least not yet.

Robert shared that ‘the ego is waiting to be ready, while the soul (your essence) is ready already.’ Often we get lost in the ego-driven aspects of life, resulting in us feeling unready to heal and grow. We hand our power over to our ego monkey mind to direct our journey, leaving our soul on hold in a waiting room.

Please know it is never too late… to be alive, to be young, to heal, to take risks, to live from your heart, to step up, and to be present in your own life. The answers to the key questions rest with you: Are you waiting or willing? Are you being or becoming?

What I love so much about Kim’s perspective and writing style are her gentle kick-butt-into-action sayings. They actually had me do a double-take to re-read sections!

One of my faves: “We are painting our toe nails while ignoring something that can literally change our lives – our minds!” WOW – got my attention! And what are we ignoring…?

“The mind is such a powerful tool, and so many of us go along on auto pilot under the assumption that things just happen to us by default, luck or coincidence – not so! We create our realities, and that is empowering news! During this time of seasonal change, known for clearing space and new beginnings, let’s take the time to find our own personal way to clear our minds of the thoughts and attitudes that no longer serve us. For some this may mean taking a yoga class or spending time meditating, and for others, it may mean less hours at work and more time spent with family, keeping a journal, or spending more time with friends that are uplifting. We all operate differently and some things work better than others for us to de-stress, clear our minds, relax and re-evaluate. The point I want to reiterate here is to find a way this spring to not only de-clutter your closet, but de-clutter your mind. Clear out the negative, bring in the positive and relax! When we are clear, happy and chilled out, we are magnets that attract our goals and desires! Sounds simple right? It IS! Spring is approaching ladies, so grab the magic mind broom and get sweeping!”

LOVE the ‘magic mind broom’ call to action! So…what is your personal way to de-clutter your mind? What have you been desiring, yet putting off? What has been sitting ignored on a shelf of your life, but is ready to see the light of day now? What action will you take today?

Recognizing that the words may be easy to say and more challenging to act on regularly, may be big changes are still on the horizon for you. Only that doesn’t need to stop you. Even if you are feeling a sense of stuckness, lostness or overwhelm, you can make ease-filled change. If you aren’t ready to make a big change right now, that’s fine! Small changes can have a huge impact. Take manageable steps that you can and want to act on every day. Continue to focus on your vision and to gradually draw the bigger changes toward you. Before long your magic mind broom will sweep in!

What’s the benefit? “Once you de-clutter your life in these areas, you will be in a position to not only reach for the stars, but to grab them and throw them in your purse!”

Love it, Kim!! Thanks!

To check out Kim’s full blog post, please click HERE

In either case, we often feel overwhelmed by whatever systems we do or do not have in our world – whether paper or electronic. With increased information flying at us everyday it can be a struggle to keep up, adding to our To Do lists until we feel like we’re drowning.

A fabulous example of desktop overwhelm is the profound question of our techi era: to print or not to print? For people who are drawn to printing, the challenge starts with a desire to read the document in its tangible, touchable form – maybe it’s easier on the eyes, maybe it feels more ‘real,’ maybe…. Only then what?  Having printed it, where do you now store the paper? With all the other papers in an avalanche caving in on you??

The near equivalent can occur even if you don’t print. You may save documents, website, emails etc. on your desktop in the hopes of referencing them later. Only do you really ever go back to them? What if you can’t find them amongst so many precious saved icons? Surrounding yourself with little pictures like a mosaic, where do you start your work day when you’re overwhelmed looking at your computer screen!?

Now maybe you’re like me, at times I tend to get organized in one of these areas…only to notice information overload sneaked around me through the other avenue. It’s like feeling strongly positioned in one shoe, while the other one dangles.

Recently, I was feeling lightened by setting up a new office space system: new drop file folders all labelled, desk trays each assigned a role, large desk calendar for article/blog planning, new earphones for skype calls, and my 2012 Vision Board watching over me. I felt ‘on’ it!

It was when I opened a fresh portable hard drive to begin my computer organizing that the other shoe dropped. In preparing my physical space, I neglected my cyber space. I now dreaded opening my computer for fear of being greeted by all the emails, Facebook updates, and icons screaming their neglect at me.

Surely there can be a balance? Today, I put on both shoes: I am making it an admin operations day. Half the day will be spent organizing my physical office space – file papers, consolidate To Do lists, return phone calls, etc. The other half of the day will be dedicated to cleaning up my online mess – address the email backlog, file saved icons into folders, prep my ezine, etc.

Sounds like a great ‘evensy’ plan…only how about the things that bridge both worlds? Here is my sticking point…where does bookkeeping fit when it involves both paper receipts and electronic files? How about planning, when things need to be organized across both paper and electronic means? What about articles and blog that start as hand-written journal entries but transform into typed online messages? Which camp do these fall into? It’s this gap that so often leaves some tasks on my desktop (either desktop!) un-touched for longer than serves me.

To continue the de-clutter challenge this month, let’s share our tips and tricks to rid all our worlds or excess desktop debris. Which are you more prone to – computer or paper clutter? What do you do to organize and limit your desktop clutter? What measure do you use to decide: to print or not to print? How do you feel desktop clutter weighs you down?

BTW – having taken this blog idea from a journal entry and now typed it up, I will remove the journal note and put it in the bin. Meanwhile, I have just saved the typed article on my computer desktop along with ALL the other icons that await de-cluttering!

My hubby has been away for the past ten days, arriving home very late tonight. However, this trip is unlike all his others – no visits to see family, no beach time relaxing, and no networking for business. Instead this trip involves adventure to a very different place on an exciting project – possibly a life and career changing opportunity.

While there is more than a dash of danger to the location, it’s actually the ‘perceived’ danger that created a whole story about his safety in my head. It’s amazing the power a single seed of a thought can consume a person with! Is his real actual safety in danger? Most likely not – he’s being accompanied by professionals, including a driver, guide and body guard/police. His role is sponsored by an influential organization with many strings being pulled. In all respects his safety is covered by a Plan A and a Plan B…and maybe even a Plan C?

So where is the danger? In my mind. I am playing out all the concerns my hubby had when I went on a volunteer trip to Pakistan a few years ago. Now I truly know where his mind wandered to, what pulled on his heart strings, and how easily he went into a panicked overprotective role. I’m there now…and what a turning of the tables!

Unlike most of his trips, where I am happy to have a mini-vacation at home while he’s away – quiet peacefulness, girlfriend time, less cooking/cleaning, etc. – only this time I want him home…like NOW! It’s comical watching my push and pull of a stereotypical ‘good wife’ protective nurturing role versus my usual strongly feminist independent sassy gal-ness. From moment to moment my emotions switch in concern over him and my unnerving response to my own character shifts. It’s a dance that deepens the longer we’re apart and the more time my mind has to stroll into possibilities.

At the other end of our emails, he is endlessly reassuring me of all the safety precautions, the security steps, and the procedures that are being honoured. He’s using some of the same words I used – as if borrowed from my own emails all those years ago.

Now I understand…now he understands. Now we value what it is for us not to simply be apart, but to have our safety in question…and in turn to have our dreams of a lifetime together threatened. His absence under these circumstances has strengthened our awareness of how precious we are to each other and instilled a feeling I thought I’d never have: being dependent on him (or anyone) at my heart’s core. What I once viewed as a potential stereotypical weakness of our ‘fairer sex,’ now rivets me to value the strength of loving another and giving myself over to that love…to that interdependence.

In my overwhelm at my hubby’s absence, I’m learning so much about myself through the lens of our relationship. Great new insights…and tons of laughter with myself!

Who holds you UP?

(C) 2012 Whitney McMillan

Want to use this article (in whole or part) in your ezine, website or blog? Please do! Here’s what to include:
Whitney McMillan is a best-selling author, life & business coach, workshop facilitator, & motivational speaker who supports people weighed down by overwhelm to reach Overwhelm Freedom! Check out her book ‘Rock Your Overwhelm: Live in Clarity, Balance and Freedom’ and receive her FREE eWorkbook and eZine tips: www.whitneymcmillan.com