Hey, Was That My Voice??

Have you ever heard your words come out of another person’s mouth? No, I do not mean the reflection of your own mouth while doing mirror work – one of my favourite coaching tools! Rather, I mean the real, touchable, huggable, tickle-able kind of person.

As her lips moved, it was my jaw that dropped. With over a 20-year age difference, representing the full spectrum of the oldest to youngest cousin, she took my breath away.

We have grown used to the fact we look greatly alike, both modelling our grandmother’s face with your own subtle uniquenesses. Gradually, our mannerisms have grown closer, resembling each other as we talk with our waving hands. Walking our social justice values along the same lines more and more, we honour some of the same key practices and ethics.

So, it really may not have been a surprise, but it was. In hanging out together yesterday, it was her word choice that stopped me in my tracks. Hearing my words with the same tone of voice, silenced me.

It completely brought home to my heart the teasing my hubby shares with her. He very cheekily referred to her as “Little Whitney.” So cruel, to compare anyone directly to another person in such a blatant manner, but that’s my dear hubby’s humour!  To label her with my name holds huge weight. Each time he says it, I groan with the weight of the responsibility that it implies on me – to be better for my cousin, as well as for myself… like that’s NOT enough!!  But even more, I cringe at the weight of ‘stuff’ that I live, and the thought of that on her shoulders makes me shake my head. To imagine my overwhelming life full of issues and challenges even vaguely waved in her direction makes me want to scream to her: ‘RUN!’

Yet, there I stood, witnessing with my eyes and ears the growing manifestion before me. She was as an interactive mirror; I saw the aspects of myself in action. That said, please know we are not totally the same. In fact, we are our own strong independent women! But there are glimpses of our familiarity…like when I hear myself on the answering machine, or see myself in a store’s security TV as I walk by, and I think of her while seeing the me of 20 years ago. A huge second glance back in time! With each occurrence, love arises so strongly, with empathy at the life journey that is yet to come for her, to what I know now and what she is yet to learn.

With growth as a gift, I feel a sense of responsibility to support her to easefully move forward in life. Instead of living a life as “Little Whitney,” I hope her journey is filled with far smoother life lessons. I fear witnessing her in pain, loss, grief, etc, yet I simply wait for hard moments to arrive. Knowing her turn is on its way, I aim to share my decades of accumulated ‘wisdom’ to be a shoulder, ear and heart for her to lean on.

As a childless-by-choice couple, we fully joke with my cousin that she’ll be the one caring for us in our maturing years. I figure we better be nice to her now! Loving my cousin to pieces… Hugs!